Random Recapitulation

Friends Only... Sorry.

Good Afternoon Class!
Today we will be discussing how to deal with asshole customers. Today we will discuss the 3 ways to make sure your customer has a worse day than you!
#1) Put the customer on hold for long periods of time and for no reason. While this asshole customer is on hold, make sure to do something that you enjoy! This may include, but is not limited to eating a snack, getting a drink, going potty, calling up a friend, and updating a live journal! This will make sure to have the customer steamy as you return to the phone 15minutes later! make sure to be chipper as can be as your customer's blood begins to boil!
#2) What ever gender your customer, make sure to address them as the opposite. For example, if you are talking to Mrs. Smith, insist on calling her "Mr. Smith" and vice versa!
#3) If at all possible, try to make the customer feel like you believe they are complete morons. When you ask the asshole if hr or she lives on the North side of the street and (s)he replies, "i dont know my directions," kindly reply, "So, what youre saying is, you dont know where you live??" If the customer says "dont you keep records of these things?!?!" reply, "no, do YOU?"

well, i guess we're out of time already! so, please join us next time for "Dealing With Customers Part II."

This has been your Master Customer Service Rep, Joe Lanni wishing you a wonderful day and a multitude of asshole customers!

I received a friendly reminder from my friend Jen Baum today to update my journal... TA-DAH!

Well, whats new with YOU?
I went to Cedar Point last week...cool...cool.

nothing really new... at all!
work is still work. friends are still friends.
family is still family.

let's play...
NAME THAT PERSON AT BRAZIL!!
#1) He dances, wears a bare mid-drift with a lovely pokemon design! His mother is an english teacher, he smokes like a furnace, and he is the village door knob! (everyone's had a turn!)The latest Roper Poll has reported he has either dated you or one of your friends! NAME THAT PERSON!
#2) His best friend is a cow named Milky White. He lives near the woods with his mother. Expert at slaying giants! Wears knee britches and a big floppy hat! NAME THAT PERSON!

Answers can me submitted to soisjoe@aol.com

HAIKU-A-DAY:~Ode to Coffee~
How tasty you are
Icy caramel latees
Welcome to Brazil!

i know...that title was pretty cheesy... but well, call me the king of cheese!

Now, when this whole live journal thing started out, i was all gun-ho! and now, its like i update only once a week and maybe even less! so so sorry!

so, kitties, whats new with you!?? im fine really. Most interesting thing happened yesterday...

well, i was shopping at the GAP! i love the GAP because the clothes they have seem to fit me very well and they have AWESOME sales sometimes!! so, i went there to return some pants that i didnt like. it was going to be a $19.99 return! but before i retuned them, i picked out a $6.99 shirt and some beautiful $44 pants! so, i brought them along with my return to the counter and presented it to the girl. she was very nice. she rings everything up an says, "you have a balance of $13.40 comming back to you, would you like me to put that back on your charge card?" ZOIKS!! $13.40 BACK TO ME?!?! SHE FORGOT TO RING UP THE $44 PANTS!! OH MY GOD! FREE PANTS!! so, quickly, i thought, "ohh, i should tell her"... but before i could, i found myself handing hermy mastercard and her refunding me $13.40. ISNT THAT GREAT!! and the pants look FANTASTIC on me too!!
OH! there are few things i love... the GAP is one of them!

MY NAME IS JOE LANNI AND I LOVE THE GAP!

ok... here's the sitch! 2 of my second cousins are having a joint graduation party on July 14. My goal: TO LOOK HOT! i dont see my cousins often nor do i my extended family. The one cousin's family are snobby and i would really like to show them what a nerd their son is! he was always a big nerd. even when we were little. always tall and lanky. SO, just in case he "blossomed", i want to be able to show him up!! THE HEAT IS ON!!
anyways, obviously, me looking good would require me to lose some weight. NOW, is it possible to do a 1 month quick weight loss diet? like lettuce and water perhaps?? would that do it?? let me know any ideas!

well, i think its that time again, when i say goodbye until about next week when i remember that i have an online journal to update!

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to the GAP~
Free clothes are welcome
All your clothes are over priced
so, i dont feel bad!

amazing, isnt it?? finally i decided to write an entry! well... what's new??

First off, WELCOME JUNE!! nice to see you back and in usual order; cold, rainy, etc.
Lets do a june song and dance...
"june is here; june is here; life is skittels and life is beer; i think the lovliest time of the year is june; i do; dont you?; sure you do!"

What's new with me, you say? well, nothing much really. i saw a couple cool movies! Moulin Rouge is a must see! i cant guarantee that youll like it... but i can guarantee that i would go with you to see it!! and if youd like to see it a second time, ill go again! and again! and again! and again! it's THAT GOOD!

speaking of movies...does anyone want to see Quills?? i really do...but i dont think my friend want to, nor would they really enjoy it. (not saying that i WOULD...it might be a load of crap for all i know) well, if someone does, let me know and we'll schedule a movie-rental date! i'll pay!

am i still a bitter boi?? yes. let's not discuss it though.

work: fine. home: good. CD burner: excellent!
really nothing new. blah blah blah.

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Moulin Rouge~
Sing a song and dance
Make clever use of old tunes
I am left intrigued!

Goodevening kitties.

Christine, Anca, Alena, Luke, Shuchi, Enzo, my family and my co-workers.

If your name is not listed above, I probably hate you. (With a few exceptions).

Why do I hate you? Because I?m sure if you?re not listed above, you think I?m annoying, ugly, fat, unlikable, unattractive, unfriendly, unreasonable, and the list continues. If you are someone that doesn?t even know me, I?m sure if you met me, you would find me to be one of those adjectives listed. If you are not listed above, you probably wouldn?t even give me the time of day for a conversation or a cup of coffee. You probably would go out of your way to avoid me. You would probably block me from your buddy list and never return my calls or emails. I know how you are. I know what youre thinking. If your name is not listed above (with a few exceptions!) let it be known that I will never ever attempt to contact you?and that includes those of you I don?t even know. I never want to meet you because I assure you don?t really want to meet me. Despite my warnings, if you still feel it necessary for you to try to get to know me, please by all means do! But please don?t expect me to pursue you or woo you., for I shall never.

My name is Joe Lanni and I don?t like most people!

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Being Bitter~
I used to be nice
Stupid boys have destroyed me
I shall wallow now

hello! i just wanted to report this most excellent conversation i just had with a customer! it goes as follows:
Cust: I need a repair on my maytag
Joe: ok, what exactly needs repairing
Cust: my maytag
Joe: What kind of machine is it?
Cust: i told you! a maytag!
Joe: Sir, i need to know what kind of maytag it is!
Cust: its a maytag 2000 series!
Joe: SIR! MAYTAG MAKES LOTS OF THINGS! IS IT A WASHER, DRYER, STOVE, OVEN, DISHWASHER, OR POSSIBLY REFRIGERATOR!?!??!
Cust: oh....its a dryer.
Joe: THANK YOU! now, whats the problem with it?
Cust: well, its not drying...oh wait... and actually i think its a Whirpool.
Joe: (internally) AHHRRGGGHHHHHHMMUUUEEEE!!!!

....this has been another installment of "How many stupid customers does it take to ruin ones day?"

until next time: may the washing machine be with you!

ahhhh.... it is finished!
I just made it though birthday 2001! I just found this out today, but this year was my Golden Birthday because i turned 20 on the 20th of May! isnt that kinda neat?
So, what did i do for my nice birthday? well, i woke up at about 12:30. i then cut the grass. (please note: grass-cutting is my BROTHER?S job! not mine! (I do the trash) but the little butt-head didnt do it!) Anyways, my freinds all came over around 4:30 for dinner! it was so nice! Jeanine even came all the way from Highland! My mom made an abundance of food which included, but was not limited to:
1) Hot Dogs
2) Hamburgers
3) Corn on the cob
4) Chili- a whole shitload - goes nicely on hotdog or in bowl!
5) Italian Sausage
6) Ribs
7) Bacon- good on hamburgers AND hotdogs!
8) Warermellon
9) Ice Cream Cake
10) mini-cheesecakes
Now, please keep in mind, she made an abundance of all of this for a quaint group of SEVEN people! I must say, however, the chili was a bigger hit than i expected!

So, what do we have now? Well, since the weekend is over, that can only mean one thing for tomorrow: WORK! UHG! but, i think with a little chili, even work wont be that bad. This also means the Seddelmeyers are comming home tomorrow and i'll have to say goodbye to Beethoven?their dog whom ive grown ever so fond of!
ALSO- im delighted to say that I had a great time seeing Sound of Music at SHHS with Enzo on Friday! And despite confusion, my brother was not in the play. I also had a fun time Saturday night with Tim. We saw ?The Claim.? It was very good. Funny thing however, I think Tim and I?s combined ages equaled the average age of everyone else in that theater! We also managed not one, but TWO coffee houses and Mongolian BBQ! And as for Sunday?.well, it being my birthday and all, it went fine of course! I got so many nice gifts that I am SO THANKFUL FOR!! (thank you!)

Well, I think its that time again?.
So long! Farewell! Auf Weiderschen! Goodbye! The sun has gone to bed and so must I!

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Chili~
Straight from Coney Isle.
You can never have enough
Let?s feed an army!

Hello Kitties!
i am at work! work work work! i am here! here i am! the most stupid thing just happened!
we got this work order from ABC Warranty and the persons phone number was "810-"....thats all it said! so,i couldnt call! then i got a fax saying, "Correction. Phone number: (810)Please call" OMG- what am i suposed to call?!?! there's no freeking number! SO, then ABC has the nerve to send this nasty fax saying, "PLEASE CALL (810) 555-1212, CUSTOMER IS WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL! ASAP!" well geeze! i WOULD have called them sooner if i had the damn number! GRRR!

anways, im sure everyone is tired of hearing me tell "work stories". So-- i shall move on....

WHAT'S NEW WITH JOE:
1) got haircut monday. i hated it. Then tuesday i loved it. At the present i just want to be friends.
2) i built a wall with my dad yesterday. kindda sentimental really. everytime i see it i'll remember the day my dad showed me how to build a perfect wall...find something wrong with it...build it perfect again...still not be happy...and then lament in its imperfection.
3) my friend Luke comes home from college today!
4) im going to see the Sound of Music with Enzo on friday!
5) im going to see a movie with Tim on saturday!
6) its my birthday on sunday! (hint hint)
7) i get to help take care of Luke's dog, Beethoven, over the weekend.
8) i'm running out of things to write
9) i'll stop now
10) for real this time
11) just kidding =)

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Telephones~
Lovely when quiet
Evil when all five lines ring
Must destroy all phones

PEACE OUT COOL KATS!

well folks, it's that time of the month again. ive been an irritable bitch all day. everything has upset me today: work, my haircut, the mall, traffic, coffee, ice cubes, the dog, and the list continues. i just went to the fridge to get some ice for some nice ice water and i dropped a cube and it shattered into a million pieces. the scary part was that i found myself 30 seconds later yelling at the ice. i think i need a rest.

REALIZATIONS OF THE DAY:
1) BigBeaver is under construction. In the name of God, dont take it if you dont have to!
2) ...still fat.
3) I need my glasses to see.
4) If done properly, house work can kill you.

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Cute People~
Hello there cutie
Screw you and your god-like face
Wait til I'm your boss

PEACE OUT ROCKIN KITTIES!

ahh, sunday has passed and its back to work work work!! fun fun fun! die die die!
Did everyone have a nice mothers day? so, tell me, what did we all get for dear old mom? i got her a foot spa/bath/massager/thingie. it looks kind of high-tech!

THINGS ON MY MIND:
1) The "Underground Rave" (AKA: Pseudo Haunted House)has DISAPPEARED! GONE! VAMOOSH! What was is? Who owns it? Who were the people that would gather there at night? Rave? Haunted House Gone Wrong?
2) Weight loss? friend or foe?? I'd like to think of myself as a conaseure (sp?) of tasty food. cant i be a conaseure of a good salad? i really think i should explore my options with the forgotten greens. i mean, i like carrots, cucumbers, and broccoli! there's got to be a way to make this fun! and find the way, i shall!
3) I fear for a loss of sex drive. Now, i dont have sex or anything, but i can definitly tell i am at a loss. i mean, i know what goes on in my mind and its just not happening much anymore. (This is probably grossing you out... for that i am sorry). i mean, i dont feel like meeting anyone. being single feels fine. whats the problem here?? HELP!

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode To Underground Raves~
Nice random orgies
Disguised as a house of haunts
Now gone forever

hi-ho!
well, i did it again today! i said to christine, "We're keychain sisters!" WHY can't i get it in my head that i'm a male! i mean, i LIKE being a male! ARHG! therapy? yeah, i thought so.

nothing MONUMENTAL today. i went to Great Lakes Crossing. did some shopping. bought mothers day gift. saw my good friend Jeanine and her boyfriend Clint. saw a movie. nice fun-filled day i'd say!

REALIZATION OF THE DAY:
according to italian superstition, i am the devil. you see, my hair doesnt "sprout" from the central point atthe back of my head like normal. It sprouts from two spots on the back of my head (where "horns" would grow!) I dont think i want to be the devil. that would mean all my friends would go to hell for being friends with me. it would also probably give Catholics a bad name. should i be destroyed in the name of everything sacred? but you know, if i was the devil, i honestly dont remember when i created ATM cards.... so, maybe im not afterall. phew.

UNANSWERABLE QUESTION OF THE DAY:
"Is there church in heaven?"
I mean, think about it! is there NEED for church in heaven? i mean, youre already there! and what would church look like?? would GOD say mass? (assuming God's Catholic! -- which we all know he is!! hehehe) So, maybe there isnt church! But what about the people that like going to church!?! how disapointing heaven must be! now, how about hell? is there satanic churches in hell? oie-- my head hurts.

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Weight Loss~
I'll start tomorrow
I'm not starving in China
Food is so tasty

ok...because im a lazy ass, im not going to write a journal entry today...BUT, for the sake of the Haiku-A-Day, i will write one...

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Haikus~
Five seven then five
the word haiku sounds funny
The haiku lives on

Goodevening....

well, i just got home from work not too long ago and let me tell you, there are some NUTTY people out there! for instance....
"Thank you for calling Doc's Appliance, how may I help you?"
"uhh...hi...umm...i need this part for my stack washer/dryer"
"ok...what part do you need?"
"umm, im not really sure"
"okayyyy....well, do you have the model and serial number of your machine?"
"umm...i dont have it, but it's a stack washer/dryer"
"thank you sir, but that doesnt help me. i need to know exactly which one you have"
"well, you know they only made a few of these! i know it was made in the 1980's; you should be able to tell from that, right?"
"SIR- appliance companies make MANY stack washers/dryers! They have been making them since the 1960's and still make them til this day! The fact that you have one from 2 decades ago doesnt help! i need your model and serial number!"
"ohh...ok...i'll call back..."

ARHG! what was i suposed to do?? call Maytag and say, "Hi..I need the parts for the stack that you sold Mr. John Jones in the 80's"?!?!?!?!
"Oh sure Mr. Lanni, i have that on file right here!"

give me a break

other than that, my day was blah.
i need to not be single anymore. maybe that would make my life more interesting. then i could write about me going on dates! wouldnt that be steamy!

HAIKU-A-DAY: ~Ode to Stupid People~
I dropped my pocket
We can not think for ourselves
Stupidity reigns!

Ahhh, we have entered day two of the online journal! How's everyone feeling?? That's good...
nothing really exciting happened today. But i felt like i wanted to try to get in an entry before i forgot. Maybe if something interesting happens between now and the time i go to bed, ill come back on and add something.

QUESTION:
How does this site make any money? I mean, the general purpose for a website is to make money. How does this one do it?? i mean, there's really no advertisments.i just dont get it!

REALIZATION OF THE DAY:
If i were a bird, i would be a pigeon. I would be a pigeon because the pigeon has to be one of the most talented birds! i mean, how else would they manage to get THEIR DISGUSTING SHIT ALL OVER MY CAR!?!?!? AHHHHRRG!

DAILY HAIKU: ~Ode to Pigeons~
Talented Pigeon
Your shit comes in multitude
Take it somewhere else

ok, Christine finally kicked my lazy butt into gear and convinced me to start this kick-ass journal! I can only pray that i can live up to the standards she has set forth!
What happened today, you ask? Well, I started working full time again! But, as usual, my 9 hour work day mysteriously turned into a 6 hour workday. It's weird how that happens.
OK, now it's time for....
REALIZATIONS OF THE DAY!
#1) Christine can be an agressive driver!
#2) You will never get to bed when you say you will!
#3) It's hard to think of things to write in the online journal.
I shall now write a Haiku...
ODE TO HOT FUDGE SUNDAES:
Hot fudge is tasty
Barbeque sauce is not fudge
Barbeque fudge sucks

on that note, please visit my website at:
http://www.geocities.com/soisjoe

PEACE OUT ALL YOU CRAZY KITTIES!